I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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