Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
