I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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