Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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