You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
