You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
