She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
