Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
