O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
