im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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