dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
