I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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