tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am spending my child support on dildos
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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