I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
