i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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