Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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