Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
