he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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