i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
