Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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