the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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