smell my finger.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
