so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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