They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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