I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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