hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
