i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
