I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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