worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
