it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
