i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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