i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
