is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
