I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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