jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
