ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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