Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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