He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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