all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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