my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
