i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
