he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
