They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
