I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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