ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
