I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
