Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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