Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
