Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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