I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
