it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
