I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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